Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

...sitting on the dock, watching the sun set, thinking of way too many things on my mind, and pouring out tears. nothing could have been better honestly. So many things race through my mind, and i feel like i have no idea what to think. I guess these are those obstacles in life that i must tackle. as Henry Ford once said, "obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the good". hmmm...

Sitting there wondering and thinking all dazed and confused. Why does life have to be so confusing? I guess it doesnt, I just make it that way. haha.

This year has definetly been different. One of new experiances, good, bad, and some that i will hopefully learn from. But then again, the year is not over yet. Regrets?i have none. mistakes? many. fun times? too many to count.

And then my head starts to spin about everything that has been going on lately...and im so lost. first of all, the cell bill has not come....which is odd, maybe this is for the good, i have no idea. Grades, some have gone up, which is great, but 1 grade still lingers WAY below where it needs to be, i should work on that...and lastly...im really lost on this one. 1,2,3,4,5,6. haha, i love how only one person knows what im talking about ;). and i dont think i should really discuss this on here, seems i think about it all way toooo much anyways and i will prob just end up getting even more lost in my thoughts.

well, i had yet my 5th surgery on friday, a minor one, yet still included in the counting. lol. and im really curious to find out some results...i had what the doc thought was a piece of looses cartilage floating around in my hip after a fall, but turns out, after they took that piece out on friday, that the doc was unsure as to what it was. hmm...so it got sent off to the lab for testing...interesting. and right now, im sitting here in my undies. lmao. i cant figure out to wear pants comfortably without it hurting. lmao. ohhhh and i had the HOTTEST anethiaiologist. WHOA! hehehe...oh and talk about odd, i walk into the pre op room and this little asian nurse lady comes in and says, "alright, strip down and put this gown on. " WTF? lmao. they had me strip down in that freezing hospital. lmao. im sure that anethiaiologist got a view while i was in surgery... HAHAHHA..okay, i'll just stop there. lmao. what an experiance.

Powderpuff game was last Wednesday! and it was great! the girls and i made shirts, and they wre sooo preeetty! hehe, Kristina, Booper, Lauren, Kirsti, Tova, and Niki! and during the game, it was cold as asdf;oiasrjuosidfjsdf!!! haha, but we continued on playing...in disarray. haha. but nontheless, i had a tackle! aka i pulled a flag! hehe and got my name announced! WOOT! hehe. it was all fun though! i cant wait till senior year when we win! :)

well, im off to the movies with the chicas! :)

with much love and laughter, LB

Where do i stand?

So, today, in Doc's class, he got off topic yet again, rambling on about his stories and such which i find interesting. But then Doc began discussing IQ, which is what were studying. He was talking about how having an IQ doesnt neccesarily mean your smart, being gifted doesnt mean your smart. Surprisingly i began to listen, knowing that im not the smartest ever. But Doc continued on discussing how everyone has that somthing they're good at. Not everyone will become that docotr or that dentst or lawyer that some dream of. IQ is rather a test of knowlege of vocab and patterns and such...or something like that. haha. But then Doc asked us, "what do u feel you are good at?" and some said, "I'm good at athletics, I'm good at math" and i sat there thinking...well, i dont know what im good at, some stated how they felt while i sat quietly thinking. When will i find out? Doc also brought up some interesting points after someone stated, "but a high IQ, high SAT scores and GPA will get one into a college with a doctors career." and Doc, once again, told us more stories about how a girl he taught didnt have the best grades, but went on to attend a local college and soon became a spokeperson for the magic team, pursueing her dreams of public speaking and such..i personally find that interesting...and led me to continue thinking of myself and where i stand in life. What will i purue? What is that thing im good at? ...then reality hit me, my grades need to be better. no matter what i chose to do in life, it seems highschool grades will always reflect that. Now im sitting here, thinking, then not thinking, trying to clear my mind of different thoughts.

Where do i stand?

I dont know. honestly. I dont know what im doing. I feel so lost. I've never had this feeling. This year has been one of ups and downs and many low times. So many things race through my head as im lost within my own thoughts. Maybe i will learn from all this? maybe next year (SENIOR) will be better. but then again, "the time is now, let this be the time". but its not.

Digiorgio told me today, "I always see a smile on your face!" then she continued to ask me after class, "what do u want to pursue career wise" ...i stood there thinking, not sure what to say and finally, said. "well, maybe a lawyer or something in the field of criminal justice or criminology, its always interested me" and she said, "I would have never expected to hear that from someone thats always so happy." I almost bawled right then, but continued to compose myself as i always do with a smile. digiorgio said i needed to get a job that was happy, a happy job, something fun and energetic like me. and honestly, i like what she said, not to say criminology and law are dull or w/e, they're interesting, but who knows, somthings out there for me and i cant wait to see what the future holds.

and today i went back to the doc for results on my mri for my hip. and well, nothing too serious, but the doc's gonna make an incision and take out a piece of chipped cartilage thats floating around, and she said theres tissue damage but that'll be fine. yeah. so going back under the knife for a minor surgery. eh. w/e.

powderpuff game tommorow! our shirts look HOT! the game will prob be dumb though.. lol. but w/e, its all for the fun of it! haha.

welp, imma go finish stuff up, this was a really long blog..haha...

with love and laughter, LB

"We all need somebody to lean on"

This week has been one of ups and downs and all arounds. Where to start...so much to talk about...

School: well, friday i had an american test and i did pretty darn well on that thang. haha, and physics...thats a whole other story. lol. but, once again, grades need to go up, i actually feel like i was productive today, i did alot of english homword. yeah. lol.
Band: huummm...well, the last game is friday! its senior night! one more week till marching is over, im sure many people are breathing a sigh of relief. I've had this somthing on my mind, I've talked to a few people about it, but im still not sure...i have time to think, but im considering trying out for DM next year. Questions race through my mind however, will i be able to handle it? Will i be respected by not only peers but norona? Face my fears and go for it? Do i have what it takes? Some think im all jokes and laughs..be ready to be proved wrong. Im still contemplating the idea...i mean, that would mean giving up vball, which i may very well do anyways due to other reasonings...and while on this subject..should i play next year? or no? im leaning in both directions and dont know where to fall! I love the sport, but damn, the knee thing, and now the unknown screwed up hip, its all building up to..do i wanna continue this? I dont know honestly what i want to do right now, i have time.

so, for english i have to model this poem "I hear America Singing" so knowing myself, i think more than i should... "I feel America Thinking"
now, its subject to change, cause some things dont make sense, i know, i will fix it up, but for now, here goes...

I feel America thinking, the different thoughts that I feel,
Those of inquisitiveness, each one thinking hers as it should be overbearing and significant,
The child thinking hers as she learns right or wrong
The student thinking hers as she completes her homework, or takes a test,
The parent thinking what joy comes from her child, the father thinking about the future of his child,
The teacher thinking as she grades papers, the doctor thinking as she performs surgery,
The boyfriend’s thoughts, she will enjoy the evening, or the flowers or the kiss,
The thoughtful thinking of the sister, or the brother in college, or of the dog walking or eating,
Each thinking what happens today or tomorrow but not in the past,
The minds that wander to dreams- the real life that forms into envying fairytales, earning, happily,Thinking with positive minds their momentous influential thoughts.

With much Love and Laughter, LB

worried...

So, im pretty scared and worried right now...i have this fear right now...very weird. But honestly, i couldnt even sleep last night. not good. 2 main reasons why, plus a few minor situations. the 2 major situations: Showing my parents my disgraceful report card that ive been hiding...and the other reason is my messed up hip. 2 weeks ago i hit the floor for vball and it my hip sweeled and bruised and i didnt think much of it...but now i thought i had healed but i look at it and its bulging and like there is this piece floating around in my hip..and my mom saw it yesterday and freaked, and my dad was pissed that i hadnt said anything before. Its not that painful, i mean i cant like sleep on my side cause it hurts but its really not that bad, but it looks nasty in comparison to my other hip. damn, what to do, im soo scared, my parents want to take me to get xrays, but i dont want to. I mean, i do, so i can fix whatevers wrong with it, hopefully very minor, but then again, im scared. I dont want to go and get some news like i got for my knee. I bawled all night when i found out that i was going to have major knee reconstruction surgery and be in rehab for nearly a year and have to sit out of vball and marching for a year. it hurt emotionally and physically. I dont want to have to have anything like that again. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i guess i will just have to see what happens.

On another note, we had FBA yesterday. Lake Mary performed well, probably the best performance yet. But i guess it just wasnt good enough, we got an excellent. But we should be proud, i mean look at all the improvments that were made, a huge difference since county festival.

Well, i have a crap load of homework to do, and some thinking about what to do about my report card. :( and i need to bring my grades up.

With much love and Laughter, LB