hmmm...

So, for as much stress im having now, as most others, Im actually really excited for this school year. I mean, look ahead, i got football games to look forward to, partiesssss, the girlies!, LONDON, junior life, powderpuff, PROM, and much more i hope.

My mom always told me, "highschool is suppose to be some of the best years in your life". It has had its ups and downs for now, but im actually very optimistic to see what these 2 years of highschool has in store for me.

and yes, grades are still priority...im really trying to bring my grades up to a more competitive level. as hard as it is, as most can agree, its soo stressful. Im having a hard time keeping up with band, vball, and academics all at the same time, but its will be over in less than a month... haha. thank goodness. lol

well, i best get to work on my psych packet...i mean it is due tommorow and im on question 78. ughh... ahha

oh and one more thing...guess what i just did a moment ago! LMAO...i stood up and totally ripped my shorts right down the leg. hahah...damn it. i think this may be a sign to me... "lauren, just go naked." lol

well, with much love and laughter, Lauren

Who am i.

Just like in Mulan, she was lost at knowing where she stands, what to do, who she is, and why she is the way she is.

Look at meI will never pass for a perfect brideOr a perfect daughterCan it beI'm not meant to play this part?Now I seeThat if I were truly to be myselfI would break my fam'ly's heartWho is that girl I seeStaring straightBack at me?Why is my reflection someoneI don't know?Somehow I cannot hideWho I amThough I've triedWhen will my reflection showWho I am inside?When will my reflection showWho I am inside?

Who am i? im sitting here tearing up not knowing what the hell is going on with me. I dont see myself in the mirror as i always have. Im finally breaking down. and unfortunatley, i believe my family has noticed. Not what im known for.

Who i am and what im all about doesnt seem to be apparemt right now and i cant figure it out. alot of things have gone wrong this year, but then again, trying to stay optimistic, some things have been amazing.

first of all, my friends, i love u all, and actually, when im down, like now, i sit and think "what would they do" and somehow the only think that comes to mind is... "get ur ass going and study and work harder" lmao. so thats what i did. i did alot of h/w and went for a long peaceful bike ride in the rain.

and well, maybe you're reading this, maybe not, most prob are prob thinking "what is she talking about?" but thats alright, ...anyways, baby im really glad that we've been talking and getting pass "nerves" and stuff. I know this could work out for us. Im sorry i have like no life right now w/ vball/band and low grades, but in a few weeks it will get alot better. we are hanging out soon def!!!!!!! :D <3

So, as confused as i am about myself currently, i know i have it in me to do bettter and show my true colors. Its all hinding and needs to come out. As for now, imma just push myself harder to do better and prove myself.

I always end my posts "with much laughter and love" and for as much confused, mad, sad, emotionally wrecked that i am, imma continue to end it well. Thats one think i know for sure about myself, love and laugter will always be in me no matter what.

With much love and laughter, Lauren

Oh Hot Damn

WEll...... damn.

so the start of the year is REALLY slow, dude, i mean really slow too. ughh... grades are low, i really need to push it and bring them up from the bottom of this hole that i've dug. damn it. my progress report def doesnt reflect who i am and what im all about and what needs to get done. I know i can do it, i just gotta work harder and get it together. i know my parents believe i can do it, but most importantly i know whta i need to do. GET MY ASS WORKING!

and volleyball...im really confused...i came back from a year not playing to kick ass and play the game i love. yes im having fun. i love the team. love the coach. yet, my skills just arent up to par with what i want. I know i have it in me! i am an agressive, loud playerthat knows she can do it!!! ;lkahsdlfkasdhflaskhfasdhf

TOO MUCH STRESS!!!

I WILL DO IT! POSITIVE ATTITUDE! :D

much love and laughter, Lauren

Im the only one.

Lately I've been feeling like the odd one left out. The one that doesnt know. The one that messes up. The one that wants to achieve. The one that hurts. The one that doesnt understand. The one that feels like breaking down. And right now, I really dont know what to do.

As dumb as this may sound, i've never been so stressed out because of math! I just dont understand what were learning and quizzes are being thrown like fireballs every few days! I look around at the sophomores and see that everyone else seems to get it! I feel so dumb. as bad as i feel saying that, its soo downgrading. I know i really need to step it up! ughh...i know its possible but why do I have to have all the trouble.

First vball game was tonight...I was really excited, and oddly still am. But it didnt go the way i was wishing for. Not only did we lose, but i hate being that person. The person that messed up. The person that knows she can do better. The person thats embarrassed. I know i have it in me.

Sometimes i feel like im the only one that wishes on a star late at night when no one is looking. Sitting doing my h/w at 11, looking out the window, and wishing on a bright star lighting up the night sky. Wishing for things that feel impossible, but i know i can do. Wishing for somthing new to happen, to brighten my day. Wishing for something good, like maybe a nice grade of 2! haha
It feels like im the only one.

I feel like im the only one that thinks of these types of things. The only one that worries about irrevelvent things. The only one that gets nervous and stresses about things that i should feel confident about doing.

But then again, I am one that knows she can do better. My performance levels arent achieving shat and I know that can change! Coach gave a motivational speech after our loss, and as hard as it was hearing what i should have already known, he actually inspired me to do better, try harder, and maybe a bit more serious at times...

Once again, am i the only one? Probably not. Im just different. Tommorows a new day, new adventures, new successes, new failures?

well, now that all thats cleared out of my system partially...I best go study math... :/ I WILL DO GREAT TOMMOROW!!! I KNOW I CAN!!! :D

With much love and laughter, Lauren

WHAT A DAY!

Where to start! oh my! well, yesterday i did most of my h/w...then i went to da party!!! Happy bday boys! haha, so im driving there, and i pull up into their drivway, and im about to park behind someone, when all of a sudden my car doesnt budge. shit. i get out of the car only to find that ive been burning rubber and that the front left tire is submerged into a mud pit. shit. all embarrassed the guys come out and soon enough my car is an attraction. lmao. i was sooo scared! but then, mr.sheres come to my rescue along with the guys and while mr.sheres is driving it out, like alot of the guys and myself are pushing that 2 ton piece of money. lol. my car was saved! i ws sooooo freakin out though, so thank you all. really, i appreciate it. then still tense, the party started! it was soo much fun! game room, swimming, dance, food, and then after swimming, i freakin jam/stub my toe into the door...lmao. but its not too funny actually. ive had surgery on this toe twice, cause the nail completely came off! but his time, the nail is still freakin on! but it was bleeding sooo bad! freakin bleed through 3 bandaids! and now im sitting here, (still bleeding a bit) with hydrogen peroxide poored on my toe, (im freakin screaming!!!) hurts like hell! omg! wth do i do? i have vball and marching band this week, with a messed up toe that hurts like hell. OUCH! ughh... shit happens. (excuse all the cursing:/) anyway, the toe ordeal wasnt going to ruin such a fun night! then as the night got later, we watched a movie! American pie band camp! lmao! and well, not to discuss this on here or anything...but u made my night babe! :) <3 . welp, getting home after midnight was pretty crazy too, haha, driving pass my allowed time. haha. but anyways, it was a fun day i must say, even though i messed my toe up and it hurts like hell right now, and my car ordeal, (btw, thanks guys for help) and well, if u wanna know this other deal going on, message me :) off to do more psychology, im really trying! thanks for the help simon and neil! im trying to take all ur advice! :D

With much love and laughter, Lauren :D