2008 comes to a closer...

well hello there! its been waayy to0 long since i blogged! i dont know where to start! ...

well, for starters, christmas was yesterday! i must say, it was a great day! my aunt and uncle came over and yesterday morning, my aunt, uncle, sis, and set out on a longgg bike ride! and man, 20 miles worked my bootie! thehe, and we stopped at the usual place on the trail and fed the horses! we came home and talked and joked and laughed...the normal Brown Family favorites. then we ate ALOT...and drank...coke and water. ;) and pretty much had a jolly good time together as one big happy Brown Family! :) we decided this year presents were not necesary to a great christmas..however we all seem to break that rule. lol. i got a new projection alarm clock! yeah! and undies and a purse! woot! not to mention my trip to London coming up and my class ring! :D

while on that subject.... i leave for London on Sunday! I'm soooo excited! Setting out across sea to an unknown area of the world is sooo thrilling. It's going to be freezingg!!! and dang, i am not prepared for that, my warm floridian bootie in london. lmao. It will be amazingly fun nontheless, with the Bandos i love! ...and hot british men! :)

I got my SAT scores back a few days ago...not pretty. i was pretty upset at those damn results. i really thought i did better. no need to shed tears though over that, i will def be retaking that soon.


i washed and waxed my car today! it was soooo dirty! lol... inside and out! (backseat) lmao, thats for u BOOPER! lol! love u!

Things have been going pretty well these past few weeks! Family came over, great holiday break, going to London, MY COMPUTER IS FIXED(still in the process of downloading stuff), everybody is in good health, kasper is doing well, i decided to play waterpolo coming up soon, that is however, if i get the courage to wear the one piece and if it actually fits me. lol. but...2 things are missing. these 2 things are ALWAYS...ALWAYS on my mind. grades and another unmentionable problem.

Grades. Grades. Grades. this, so far, has not been a good year with grades. I really need to step it up. i have the end of this semester to trug through, then a new semester to begin with good grades hopefully. Ya know, this just crossed my mind...i am such an optimistic person, i actually think I'm going to do better next semester. wow, hold on, (sry, i think im talking to myself haha) i just challenged myself to do better...interesting...New years resolution? hmm...and the other item on mind...this is a hard one to talk about...well here goes...

I want a guy. A guy that will make me laugh. We would laugh together. A guy that smiles. A guy that is honest, respectful, and truthful. A guy that shares his emotions with me and i share mine. A guy that calls me, just to talk. A guy that will ride bikes with me and stop to share a smoothie. A guy thats adventurous. A guy that loves me. A guy that cares. A guy that holds my hand. A guy that dances with me in the pouring rain (and of course kiss me in the pouring rain!) A guy that loves my family and friends for who they are and i will love his. A guy who loves me for who i am. A guy thats with me through good times and bad. A guy that will stand by my side. A guy that will just sit with me and watch movies till we fall asleep. A guy that is crazy yet romantic. A guy that will plan a picnic or maybe even surprise me. A guy that will call me his girl. A guy that will love me. and not just any guy. This guy is out there. somewhere. Maybe we have met, maybe we will meet tommorow, maybe in college. I dont know. But I'm here waiting for you. :)

that took so much out of me you have no idea. so im sitting here tearing up. and i ask myself why? honestly, i dont know how to answer that. shouldnt i be concentrating on other things such as grades and what not? ...*sigh*...


now that thats all out of me... 2008 is coming to an end, 2009 is a few days away! I will be celebrating the new year in london! at a party! woot! 2009..so much to look forward to! but i wont forget 2008! through good and bad times...lets try to remember some things...i finished up ACL rehab! lol. failed my AP World test, finished school off fairly well, many parties to never forget! Summer in mexico was amazing. absolutely an unforgettable trip. junior year begins! powderpuff game! football games! hip surgery! band! vball! dances! parties! bonfires! ohhh my! there is sooo much more that happened! :)

have you ever given up something that was important to you? I've been contimplating this idea for awhile and i dont know what to do. Volleyball. I've played for six years and 2 years of club and absolutely love the sport. however, my downfall with the ACL surgery put me at a bad setback. i did come back and play this year, but it was really rough, no lie. I know i was rough, and it was hard on me. I gave up playing club season this year and im not sure whether to give up playing. Next year is senior year, i'd hate to quit before i graduate and not play my senior year. but then again, i'd have to go to camps this upcoming summer and try to gain some more strenght to play in the fall. I dont know. It kills me to think that i would "just not tryout". I love the sport. I dont know what to do damnit. asdfhaskdjwoirjasdf

anyways, this was really long...sry. lol. leaving for london in 64 hours! see ya'll later!

with much love and laughter. LB

seriously. seriously.

Now, were in like what the 21st century i think? lol. and we are surrounded by all this damn technology that washes our minds away in ciberspace and by little damn wires conected and a messy piece of .... sry for the anger, bit as you can see, MY COMPUTER CRASHED. and i lost everything f-ing thing saved on it and im soooooooooooooo pissed right now. so, im useing this old computer that sux ass. no joke. I dont have itunes, and use youtube till i download crap. facebook and myspace dont work. omg. im going to cry. seriously. this sux ass. something or someone or this damn computer is about to get punched or slammed into the tile. holy crap. so pissed.

Why cant we all just live like the cavemen did way back then. Life would be so much easier. (damn it, i cant type crap on this keyboard) But really, think about it...no technology, no troubles, no shit to deal with...just yourself, and a cave. how lovely would that be. Lauren and a cave. maybe some berries too. :) and perhaps nobody around. just me and myself and the cave. ..yea okay now im going crazy..

But seriously. this is ridicilous.

on another note...

randomly, as i was walking to lunch and to my locker today, i was walking and pretty much just thinking, as always...about Boopers book "Dateable". and i had some interesting thoughts come to mind...being that right now im pretty confused, but besides that deal, the point is, i remember somthing in the book stating that you wont stay together in highschool so why bother dating or something on that note... and why i feel some of that is false, alot of it is true. then again, i look at it like, im in highschool, should i not just be focusing on academics? well, i should me focused on academics, but im not. my mind drifts away frequently. and when yea think about it, everyone dreams about finding that man in there life, a mystery thats taking way to long to solve. Or in a guys veiwpoint, i guess he waiting for that woman to come along. or i mean, if ya swing differently than those two options than so be it, as long as ones happy in life i dont care who you love. but as we were discussing in psych today, "would u take the love or the money" Love is life. Live life loving happily. cant beat it. money wont cut it. yeah, in the long run, money is america, cant prosper w/o it, but Love, thats something that facinates me. When will it happen? is he out there? does he know me? do i know him? when will we meet? is he wondering the same things i am?

Life is all a mystery. Waiting to be unsolved as life unvails itself till death and beyond. Wonders of my mind flow curiously through the day, longing for the day i solve pieces and bits of this gigantic mystery. And the mystery isnt just "love". well, okay, most of it is...but what about career wise. What will i do? where will i go to college? what will i do in life? what will i pursue? where will i go? all these questions race through my mind daily as well as many other questions. when? where? why? what? how?

Life is a mystery. and im still yet to unsolve it. Honestly, i cant wait.for the future. im very optimistic. and while i should be concentrating on the present times, i can admit im not that focused. maybe i should change that up a bit. but for now, im 17, a junior in highschool. i cant wait to unsolve this mystery.

and while most are reading this, if anyone actually made it this far, lol, sry it may not have made all that much sense. hehe ;)
with much love and laughter, LB

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

...sitting on the dock, watching the sun set, thinking of way too many things on my mind, and pouring out tears. nothing could have been better honestly. So many things race through my mind, and i feel like i have no idea what to think. I guess these are those obstacles in life that i must tackle. as Henry Ford once said, "obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the good". hmmm...

Sitting there wondering and thinking all dazed and confused. Why does life have to be so confusing? I guess it doesnt, I just make it that way. haha.

This year has definetly been different. One of new experiances, good, bad, and some that i will hopefully learn from. But then again, the year is not over yet. Regrets?i have none. mistakes? many. fun times? too many to count.

And then my head starts to spin about everything that has been going on lately...and im so lost. first of all, the cell bill has not come....which is odd, maybe this is for the good, i have no idea. Grades, some have gone up, which is great, but 1 grade still lingers WAY below where it needs to be, i should work on that...and lastly...im really lost on this one. 1,2,3,4,5,6. haha, i love how only one person knows what im talking about ;). and i dont think i should really discuss this on here, seems i think about it all way toooo much anyways and i will prob just end up getting even more lost in my thoughts.

well, i had yet my 5th surgery on friday, a minor one, yet still included in the counting. lol. and im really curious to find out some results...i had what the doc thought was a piece of looses cartilage floating around in my hip after a fall, but turns out, after they took that piece out on friday, that the doc was unsure as to what it was. hmm...so it got sent off to the lab for testing...interesting. and right now, im sitting here in my undies. lmao. i cant figure out to wear pants comfortably without it hurting. lmao. ohhhh and i had the HOTTEST anethiaiologist. WHOA! hehehe...oh and talk about odd, i walk into the pre op room and this little asian nurse lady comes in and says, "alright, strip down and put this gown on. " WTF? lmao. they had me strip down in that freezing hospital. lmao. im sure that anethiaiologist got a view while i was in surgery... HAHAHHA..okay, i'll just stop there. lmao. what an experiance.

Powderpuff game was last Wednesday! and it was great! the girls and i made shirts, and they wre sooo preeetty! hehe, Kristina, Booper, Lauren, Kirsti, Tova, and Niki! and during the game, it was cold as asdf;oiasrjuosidfjsdf!!! haha, but we continued on playing...in disarray. haha. but nontheless, i had a tackle! aka i pulled a flag! hehe and got my name announced! WOOT! hehe. it was all fun though! i cant wait till senior year when we win! :)

well, im off to the movies with the chicas! :)

with much love and laughter, LB

Where do i stand?

So, today, in Doc's class, he got off topic yet again, rambling on about his stories and such which i find interesting. But then Doc began discussing IQ, which is what were studying. He was talking about how having an IQ doesnt neccesarily mean your smart, being gifted doesnt mean your smart. Surprisingly i began to listen, knowing that im not the smartest ever. But Doc continued on discussing how everyone has that somthing they're good at. Not everyone will become that docotr or that dentst or lawyer that some dream of. IQ is rather a test of knowlege of vocab and patterns and such...or something like that. haha. But then Doc asked us, "what do u feel you are good at?" and some said, "I'm good at athletics, I'm good at math" and i sat there thinking...well, i dont know what im good at, some stated how they felt while i sat quietly thinking. When will i find out? Doc also brought up some interesting points after someone stated, "but a high IQ, high SAT scores and GPA will get one into a college with a doctors career." and Doc, once again, told us more stories about how a girl he taught didnt have the best grades, but went on to attend a local college and soon became a spokeperson for the magic team, pursueing her dreams of public speaking and such..i personally find that interesting...and led me to continue thinking of myself and where i stand in life. What will i purue? What is that thing im good at? ...then reality hit me, my grades need to be better. no matter what i chose to do in life, it seems highschool grades will always reflect that. Now im sitting here, thinking, then not thinking, trying to clear my mind of different thoughts.

Where do i stand?

I dont know. honestly. I dont know what im doing. I feel so lost. I've never had this feeling. This year has been one of ups and downs and many low times. So many things race through my head as im lost within my own thoughts. Maybe i will learn from all this? maybe next year (SENIOR) will be better. but then again, "the time is now, let this be the time". but its not.

Digiorgio told me today, "I always see a smile on your face!" then she continued to ask me after class, "what do u want to pursue career wise" ...i stood there thinking, not sure what to say and finally, said. "well, maybe a lawyer or something in the field of criminal justice or criminology, its always interested me" and she said, "I would have never expected to hear that from someone thats always so happy." I almost bawled right then, but continued to compose myself as i always do with a smile. digiorgio said i needed to get a job that was happy, a happy job, something fun and energetic like me. and honestly, i like what she said, not to say criminology and law are dull or w/e, they're interesting, but who knows, somthings out there for me and i cant wait to see what the future holds.

and today i went back to the doc for results on my mri for my hip. and well, nothing too serious, but the doc's gonna make an incision and take out a piece of chipped cartilage thats floating around, and she said theres tissue damage but that'll be fine. yeah. so going back under the knife for a minor surgery. eh. w/e.

powderpuff game tommorow! our shirts look HOT! the game will prob be dumb though.. lol. but w/e, its all for the fun of it! haha.

welp, imma go finish stuff up, this was a really long blog..haha...

with love and laughter, LB

"We all need somebody to lean on"

This week has been one of ups and downs and all arounds. Where to start...so much to talk about...

School: well, friday i had an american test and i did pretty darn well on that thang. haha, and physics...thats a whole other story. lol. but, once again, grades need to go up, i actually feel like i was productive today, i did alot of english homword. yeah. lol.
Band: huummm...well, the last game is friday! its senior night! one more week till marching is over, im sure many people are breathing a sigh of relief. I've had this somthing on my mind, I've talked to a few people about it, but im still not sure...i have time to think, but im considering trying out for DM next year. Questions race through my mind however, will i be able to handle it? Will i be respected by not only peers but norona? Face my fears and go for it? Do i have what it takes? Some think im all jokes and laughs..be ready to be proved wrong. Im still contemplating the idea...i mean, that would mean giving up vball, which i may very well do anyways due to other reasonings...and while on this subject..should i play next year? or no? im leaning in both directions and dont know where to fall! I love the sport, but damn, the knee thing, and now the unknown screwed up hip, its all building up to..do i wanna continue this? I dont know honestly what i want to do right now, i have time.

so, for english i have to model this poem "I hear America Singing" so knowing myself, i think more than i should... "I feel America Thinking"
now, its subject to change, cause some things dont make sense, i know, i will fix it up, but for now, here goes...

I feel America thinking, the different thoughts that I feel,
Those of inquisitiveness, each one thinking hers as it should be overbearing and significant,
The child thinking hers as she learns right or wrong
The student thinking hers as she completes her homework, or takes a test,
The parent thinking what joy comes from her child, the father thinking about the future of his child,
The teacher thinking as she grades papers, the doctor thinking as she performs surgery,
The boyfriend’s thoughts, she will enjoy the evening, or the flowers or the kiss,
The thoughtful thinking of the sister, or the brother in college, or of the dog walking or eating,
Each thinking what happens today or tomorrow but not in the past,
The minds that wander to dreams- the real life that forms into envying fairytales, earning, happily,Thinking with positive minds their momentous influential thoughts.

With much Love and Laughter, LB

worried...

So, im pretty scared and worried right now...i have this fear right now...very weird. But honestly, i couldnt even sleep last night. not good. 2 main reasons why, plus a few minor situations. the 2 major situations: Showing my parents my disgraceful report card that ive been hiding...and the other reason is my messed up hip. 2 weeks ago i hit the floor for vball and it my hip sweeled and bruised and i didnt think much of it...but now i thought i had healed but i look at it and its bulging and like there is this piece floating around in my hip..and my mom saw it yesterday and freaked, and my dad was pissed that i hadnt said anything before. Its not that painful, i mean i cant like sleep on my side cause it hurts but its really not that bad, but it looks nasty in comparison to my other hip. damn, what to do, im soo scared, my parents want to take me to get xrays, but i dont want to. I mean, i do, so i can fix whatevers wrong with it, hopefully very minor, but then again, im scared. I dont want to go and get some news like i got for my knee. I bawled all night when i found out that i was going to have major knee reconstruction surgery and be in rehab for nearly a year and have to sit out of vball and marching for a year. it hurt emotionally and physically. I dont want to have to have anything like that again. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i guess i will just have to see what happens.

On another note, we had FBA yesterday. Lake Mary performed well, probably the best performance yet. But i guess it just wasnt good enough, we got an excellent. But we should be proud, i mean look at all the improvments that were made, a huge difference since county festival.

Well, i have a crap load of homework to do, and some thinking about what to do about my report card. :( and i need to bring my grades up.

With much love and Laughter, LB

the sun is setting...

As the sun sets, it seems i should be going on a run, as usual...opps. So, Neil advised me to write a new blog :) haha.

I must be honest, for as stressed out, with such mixed emotions that ive been having this past while...it seems this past week has been pretty chill. I mean, of course i still have school to freak out about, and grades (that need to fly up to my expectations) and other stuff ;) haha. but volleyball has come to a harsh ending... and band will be over shortly, so i have alot more time. and im liking it, i have more time to think and do homework and go workout. not to mention the weather is nice out lately, bit chilly though. lol. i guess i cant sleep naked anymore...lmao. unless someone wants to come over and keep me warm? hahah...okay, now im getting myself off subject. lol.

So, lately, i feel bad, ive been at band and vball so i havent spent much time at home with my parent ya know, so hopefully that will change soon...i have more time, therefore i can actually sit down and eat dinner with them. ...and then go hide in my room. lol. no but really, with Becca away for a long time, i miss her!! i know shes doing well though! and Nick's been gone for awhile now! miss u too bro! but i know they are where they want to be and are succeeding at what they dream of pursueing. I look up to them for that, and inspire to do the same, chase after my dreams and pursueing them. But right now, im confused about that...i dont know my dream. I dont know what i want to pursue. Of course im going to go to college, but i mean i dont know about majors, or careers. Seems like the pressure is on to decide, and decide wisely. SAT/ACT are coming up and important, considering i need to do well on them in order to make up for my GPA. But knowing my computer skills, im actually having trouble registering to take the tests. lol. i will figure it out. But, i guess i do know that whatever i do major/career/pursue will have nothing to do with mathamatics and computers/technology. hahhaha.

Volleyball has come to a bittersweet end. I love the sport, i love playing, im expremely happy/proud to say i came back and played/tried. I know i was "rusty" though. i didnt play for 12 months before tryouts, i should have guessed i would not have the same skill that i had my freshman year. but thats alright, i dont think i will be doing club volleybal. its a hard choice, stab in the heart really. I love playing, but i know it wont get me anywhere(college wise), therefore the money aspect would be a big burdon. I hope to go to some camps and play pick-up vball though in the mean time.

Wow, i just noticed, this is random, but then again, alot that i write is random...anyways..my hair got longer! lol. it used to be short. hhaa....cut it or grow it out longer?

Well, i best go finish math h.w to prepare myself for a quiz tommorow...

with much love and laughter, LB

I never thought.

I never thought i'd be in such situations now.

I never thought it'd be so hard.

I never thought I'd struggle so much physically and emotionally.

I never thought I'd pull myself down.

But then again,

I never thought I learn so much about myself through this process.

I guess thats what lifes all about, and honestly, as much as i hate it, i love it.

As much as i "never thought", i have always known myself to never give up. never stop trying. When i fail 100000 times, i know i tried. and the more i try the more i will succeed, Its not over. Its just the beginning, and im living it and loving it.

PS: i do realize that alot of what i post is thoughts that many probably dont understand. but honestly, thats alright, if u read this and dont understand, just know, its Lauren thinking again...lol

With much love and laughter, Lauren

stop and stare.

I can hardly believe myself, reflecting back to a year ago....it was my my sophomore year, i was in rehab from hell with pretty decent grades, no sports, or marching band. A year from then, now im a junior, playing vball and marching with well, grades that are not up to par. but besides the fact, this year seems soo packed! it seems like i have soo much to do, so much to handle, and no time whatsoever. But then again, im doing what i love, trying to succeed, struggleing not to fail. lol. but all in all, as much stress, frustration, and confusion im currently in, i can gladly say im loving life.

I went for a run today, while the sun was setting around the lake...and i must say, it was soo beautiful outside, i dont think my head has ever been any clearer. Nothing was around, no cars, no people, no animals, no thinking, nothing to stop me from running. The only thing on my mind was remembering Forest Gump, he just kept running. I dont think i have ever run so fast, honestly. I wasnt thinking about anything. It was great, not gonna lie. I stopped running at the lake and looked up into the sunset, ironically listening to "stop and stare", and wow, i know this prob sounds very dumb, but dang, it was a powerful feeling. Like, Idk, its hard to explain, like i guess it was a feeling of drive, like i know i overcome these obstacles that i have lately encountered...

I've had mixed emotions about various things lately, never had any of these issues before it seems. but i hope i get things figured out. trying to stay optimistic. anyways, i best get back to studying...ohh btw..

I must post this...just for memories. lol...friday night, turning left only lake mary blvd, i totally missed the median and instead of turning around it, i ran right over top of it! i was soo scared! i just jumped that deal, i didnt know anything else to do, cleared everything! lol, what a scary experience for a safe driver like myself ;). but i honestly am, just made a mistake, wont happen again.

well, with much love and laughter, Lauren

soo, idk what to do...

Heres the deal, maybe you all could leave some feedback...

Vball season is to the end, so thats over, club vball season is coming up real soon. The question is, do i want to play club this year in hopes of making varsity. but also, there are other factors involved, also being in the band, conflicts will arise next year if i play vball, but then again its my senior year. Also, the money part is a big burden for club. If i choose not to play club, my chances of making varsity will be slim, plus we still have band to keep in mind...and if i dont play club this year, i will have more time to go to the gym and reach some personal goals there, and have more time for school studies, which is desparately needed. I could also get this job i was looking at in the spring or play water polo (which may physically too hard). So thats the deal, i need to decide within a week or so...I have no idea what to do. this is soo hard. any advice? thanks

With much love and laughter, Lauren

Bandos ohh bandos!

Well, its Saturday afternoon, and i have to read Huck Finn by Monday. lol.

So, yesterday was the Football game against Brantley! we lost...badly. haha. but nontheless, the games and after the games are alwase fun. I just seemed to keep getting in trouble though yesterday. So, get this deal, i stash a shit load of food in my band bucket, im talking alotta food, not like others how had like a snack bar or something, i mean i had a chicken sandwhich, 3 bags of chips, 2 packs of crackers, and full gatorade, and goldfish. So long story short, before loading onto the bus, our buckets were checked, and well, there i am with a bucket full of food for like 3 people. lol. end of story, it all got dumped. thats bull shit. lol. of course i know wer "not suppose to have food" but screw that, i have alwase brought food with me and i throw my garbage out. to continue on my troublesome streak...during the game, i had my horn on its bell, when it was suppose to be on its side. So the horn stars decided to start yelling that my horn feel under the stands to scare me, while they hid my horn, so i took it literal, and started to walk down to retrieve what was to be left of my horn when they laughed and said they were just kidding. However, Norona heard through all the commotion that my horn had been dropped and called me down. so, there i go walking down to talk to norona, and i swear by it, that was the scariest face i had ever seen. Norona said, "What did u do!!!" i simply explained that it was a joke to teach me a lesson. A good one too, the rest of the night i held that baby horn. lol. nice on horns. ;) the show went alright, it needs alot of work though... so then, during 4th quarter i got caught chewing gum while playing. :( lol. i chew gum all the time though, during practice and games...opps! but dancing in the stands and blowing my ass off is alwase fun! hehe, and kicking with neil and the horns! imma get that kick higher, dont worry! lol. but that was that. After the game, i went out with Amber, Kirsti, and the boys! fun fun with u all! :) however, i got in more trouble when i walked in the house a bit on the late side... ;) ohh well!

Dang it, KC, Booper, and LB went to the game! and all the brantley kidies were there too! i wanted to sneak away from the band and go hang out with the girlies in the stands! love u girlies! :) the MIYAS! woot!

Today has gone surprisingly well though, except for the fact that i have a crap load of reading to do. My pop left me a noted on my desk last night stateing that he had paid my ring off and to remember our deal. the note read further, " You get the ring, and I shall never see a "C" on any report card ever." It hurt to read. Still hurts to hear reading it outloud. I know i should not get a "C", i never have, thats what makes my transcript look good now, no C's. But, i talked to him this morning, and well, it was nice. I am trying my hardest, however, i know i can alwase do better and try harder. He knows im working hard and trying, with also blancing vball and band out. Its hard. But, i guess the statement really made me think. Know im lost. All i know now is too just keeping trying.

My bro called this morning! Nickie! haha. I havent talked to him in awhile, so that was nice. He got another mohalk, making the Browns proud. lol. And he's been going to the vball games up at UF lately. nice. Seems like hes doing well, trying new things, Fencing, and is over all happy with his collge life now! yeah :)

Well, i must go study and get my head together and prepare for the tests this week! yikes! haha

With much love and laughter. Lauren

So, im sitting here typeing away, thinking way to much, of way to many things, not knowing what to think. so, right now, i have no idea where to start.

This year has been just a whirpool that keeps on spinning. When will it stop? when will things work out? why all the waiting?...



Homecoming was last night! I'm so glad Booper and Lauren went! Kristina, mission complete, we got them to go!! haha. and i think we all had a blast! thanks for coming over guys before! No details on the whole homecoming deal, lest just say great pics, great din, great friends, great after party, lovely ladies! woot! Honestly, this was the most fun ive had in along time.

And also, im really glad we talked guys. I love u miya chicas! what would i ever do w/o u all! i really try to listen to what u guys say, its just hard for me to believe it even though i know its right. Anyways, i dont really wanna post anything more on here about this...but i love u all! i'll be good... :)

But, im still perplexed on a certain situation, ive been reading. wait. i just said "ive been reading". i never read, most know that. lol. i try to read the novels, but it goes through my eyes and doesnt transfer to my brain. lol. but anyways, ive been reading a book booper gave me that is quite interesting and relatable. I struggle to beleive alot of what ive been reading though. I can come to the conclusion that i know might be true. I dont know what to think. Imma finish the book before saying more.

Yet again, a big part of this whirlpool im in, is grades. Grades, out there to make or break u. they are represented on your transcript. they will send u to college or send u home. give u a carrer, or a just a job. they are what should revolve around my highschool career. What more to say. and right now, there breaking me. ive never struggled so bad in all my classes. and damn its stressful, as many others know as well. We all have our expectations of ourselves and mine has not been met. I've always grown to learn, to never stop trying. "Everybody's human-everybody makes mistakes. If you laugh it off and keep going and try to give it your best the next time around, people respect that.”

with much continued love and laughter, Lauren

hmmm...

So, for as much stress im having now, as most others, Im actually really excited for this school year. I mean, look ahead, i got football games to look forward to, partiesssss, the girlies!, LONDON, junior life, powderpuff, PROM, and much more i hope.

My mom always told me, "highschool is suppose to be some of the best years in your life". It has had its ups and downs for now, but im actually very optimistic to see what these 2 years of highschool has in store for me.

and yes, grades are still priority...im really trying to bring my grades up to a more competitive level. as hard as it is, as most can agree, its soo stressful. Im having a hard time keeping up with band, vball, and academics all at the same time, but its will be over in less than a month... haha. thank goodness. lol

well, i best get to work on my psych packet...i mean it is due tommorow and im on question 78. ughh... ahha

oh and one more thing...guess what i just did a moment ago! LMAO...i stood up and totally ripped my shorts right down the leg. hahah...damn it. i think this may be a sign to me... "lauren, just go naked." lol

well, with much love and laughter, Lauren

Who am i.

Just like in Mulan, she was lost at knowing where she stands, what to do, who she is, and why she is the way she is.

Look at meI will never pass for a perfect brideOr a perfect daughterCan it beI'm not meant to play this part?Now I seeThat if I were truly to be myselfI would break my fam'ly's heartWho is that girl I seeStaring straightBack at me?Why is my reflection someoneI don't know?Somehow I cannot hideWho I amThough I've triedWhen will my reflection showWho I am inside?When will my reflection showWho I am inside?

Who am i? im sitting here tearing up not knowing what the hell is going on with me. I dont see myself in the mirror as i always have. Im finally breaking down. and unfortunatley, i believe my family has noticed. Not what im known for.

Who i am and what im all about doesnt seem to be apparemt right now and i cant figure it out. alot of things have gone wrong this year, but then again, trying to stay optimistic, some things have been amazing.

first of all, my friends, i love u all, and actually, when im down, like now, i sit and think "what would they do" and somehow the only think that comes to mind is... "get ur ass going and study and work harder" lmao. so thats what i did. i did alot of h/w and went for a long peaceful bike ride in the rain.

and well, maybe you're reading this, maybe not, most prob are prob thinking "what is she talking about?" but thats alright, ...anyways, baby im really glad that we've been talking and getting pass "nerves" and stuff. I know this could work out for us. Im sorry i have like no life right now w/ vball/band and low grades, but in a few weeks it will get alot better. we are hanging out soon def!!!!!!! :D <3

So, as confused as i am about myself currently, i know i have it in me to do bettter and show my true colors. Its all hinding and needs to come out. As for now, imma just push myself harder to do better and prove myself.

I always end my posts "with much laughter and love" and for as much confused, mad, sad, emotionally wrecked that i am, imma continue to end it well. Thats one think i know for sure about myself, love and laugter will always be in me no matter what.

With much love and laughter, Lauren

Oh Hot Damn

WEll...... damn.

so the start of the year is REALLY slow, dude, i mean really slow too. ughh... grades are low, i really need to push it and bring them up from the bottom of this hole that i've dug. damn it. my progress report def doesnt reflect who i am and what im all about and what needs to get done. I know i can do it, i just gotta work harder and get it together. i know my parents believe i can do it, but most importantly i know whta i need to do. GET MY ASS WORKING!

and volleyball...im really confused...i came back from a year not playing to kick ass and play the game i love. yes im having fun. i love the team. love the coach. yet, my skills just arent up to par with what i want. I know i have it in me! i am an agressive, loud playerthat knows she can do it!!! ;lkahsdlfkasdhflaskhfasdhf

TOO MUCH STRESS!!!

I WILL DO IT! POSITIVE ATTITUDE! :D

much love and laughter, Lauren

Im the only one.

Lately I've been feeling like the odd one left out. The one that doesnt know. The one that messes up. The one that wants to achieve. The one that hurts. The one that doesnt understand. The one that feels like breaking down. And right now, I really dont know what to do.

As dumb as this may sound, i've never been so stressed out because of math! I just dont understand what were learning and quizzes are being thrown like fireballs every few days! I look around at the sophomores and see that everyone else seems to get it! I feel so dumb. as bad as i feel saying that, its soo downgrading. I know i really need to step it up! ughh...i know its possible but why do I have to have all the trouble.

First vball game was tonight...I was really excited, and oddly still am. But it didnt go the way i was wishing for. Not only did we lose, but i hate being that person. The person that messed up. The person that knows she can do better. The person thats embarrassed. I know i have it in me.

Sometimes i feel like im the only one that wishes on a star late at night when no one is looking. Sitting doing my h/w at 11, looking out the window, and wishing on a bright star lighting up the night sky. Wishing for things that feel impossible, but i know i can do. Wishing for somthing new to happen, to brighten my day. Wishing for something good, like maybe a nice grade of 2! haha
It feels like im the only one.

I feel like im the only one that thinks of these types of things. The only one that worries about irrevelvent things. The only one that gets nervous and stresses about things that i should feel confident about doing.

But then again, I am one that knows she can do better. My performance levels arent achieving shat and I know that can change! Coach gave a motivational speech after our loss, and as hard as it was hearing what i should have already known, he actually inspired me to do better, try harder, and maybe a bit more serious at times...

Once again, am i the only one? Probably not. Im just different. Tommorows a new day, new adventures, new successes, new failures?

well, now that all thats cleared out of my system partially...I best go study math... :/ I WILL DO GREAT TOMMOROW!!! I KNOW I CAN!!! :D

With much love and laughter, Lauren

WHAT A DAY!

Where to start! oh my! well, yesterday i did most of my h/w...then i went to da party!!! Happy bday boys! haha, so im driving there, and i pull up into their drivway, and im about to park behind someone, when all of a sudden my car doesnt budge. shit. i get out of the car only to find that ive been burning rubber and that the front left tire is submerged into a mud pit. shit. all embarrassed the guys come out and soon enough my car is an attraction. lmao. i was sooo scared! but then, mr.sheres come to my rescue along with the guys and while mr.sheres is driving it out, like alot of the guys and myself are pushing that 2 ton piece of money. lol. my car was saved! i ws sooooo freakin out though, so thank you all. really, i appreciate it. then still tense, the party started! it was soo much fun! game room, swimming, dance, food, and then after swimming, i freakin jam/stub my toe into the door...lmao. but its not too funny actually. ive had surgery on this toe twice, cause the nail completely came off! but his time, the nail is still freakin on! but it was bleeding sooo bad! freakin bleed through 3 bandaids! and now im sitting here, (still bleeding a bit) with hydrogen peroxide poored on my toe, (im freakin screaming!!!) hurts like hell! omg! wth do i do? i have vball and marching band this week, with a messed up toe that hurts like hell. OUCH! ughh... shit happens. (excuse all the cursing:/) anyway, the toe ordeal wasnt going to ruin such a fun night! then as the night got later, we watched a movie! American pie band camp! lmao! and well, not to discuss this on here or anything...but u made my night babe! :) <3 . welp, getting home after midnight was pretty crazy too, haha, driving pass my allowed time. haha. but anyways, it was a fun day i must say, even though i messed my toe up and it hurts like hell right now, and my car ordeal, (btw, thanks guys for help) and well, if u wanna know this other deal going on, message me :) off to do more psychology, im really trying! thanks for the help simon and neil! im trying to take all ur advice! :D

With much love and laughter, Lauren :D

What a start....

Well, we went back to school on monday... only to end up taking some tests and be given a whole bunch of h/w. ughh. lol. im already really stressed out! and i cant take getting up at 5:15 every morning anymore! haha...besides the fact, yesterday, was the WORST day ever. ever. First of all, i was sick. ( im better now!) then i went to pre calc, where i didnt understand a lick of what we were learning! then when rushing to stufflets class from band, i tripped going up the stairs! and literally fell on the stairs on my knees and dropped my books, all the while being laughed at by some freshman. :( . then lets see, i went to english class, where we were given a card with a question and told to speak about it on the spot. i was nervous! as always. lol. but i read the books and felt confident...well, i get my question, and DAMN! of course it was the one detail in Kite Runner the i didnt know, and everybody else did. I thought, however, that i had bs'ed the answer nicely. haha. but nontheless, i still got a 50 on that, :( . then off to vball! which should have been an uplifting time in the day, but it wasnt. not only did i perform badly, but i realized alot of things i wish i hadnt yesterday. First, to start off, my passing was DEF not on, and neither was my serving. ughh. Second, i dont really wanna discuss on here. :( . but on the brightside, i like the team. lol. and then to make my day go worse, i had to go to band, and didnt have too much time to eat. er. oh, and yet another issue, not willing to be disscussed on here. :/. that was pretty much my suckie day. hopefully the days will get brighter though! im soo determined to play well at vball, i didnt come back for nothing! i came to kick ass! and academic wise, kick ass too! ima try my best and hope for the best! welp, off to do pre calc.

With much l0ve and laughter, Lauren :D

woop womp womp....

Well, here I am typing away while crying, sneezing, coughing, and just all around miserable. I havent been sick in well over a year! Since the "storm" and running around in the ran, maybe it actually got to me. But its alright, it will pass. its just very agrivating. You all know how
i feel, we all get sck some time or another. Just right now is not the time! UGhh.

On the brightside, this past week, on Thursday I found out that I had made the JV volleyball team for LM! AHHHH!!! Nobody has any idea how excited i am to play again! After a year of rehab, surgery, pain, and no sports its been rough and im finally ready to prove that I CAN COME BACK! So many people have told me, " dont play volleyball again" " your going to tear your acl again" ITS BULL! I know im ready and determined to go back to the sport that I have loved for 6 years now (even though im short). As Henry Ford once said, "obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the good" My obstacle was the rehab and physical pain but also the mental aspects or the ordeal, but I knew that i would come back, and i set the fear behind me. Big acl brace and all, here i come!!!!!

I've had this deal on my mind and im trying to figure it out. I think he likes me, and well, I think hes sooo sweet. I just dont know where to stand in the situation. Ughhh, this is one of those topics that hard for me to discuss.......

Yesterday I went Ice Skating with the bandos!!! WHOA! I LOVE U GUYS!! Even though i was kinda bad, and feel like 5 times, it was soo much fun! Chessy, Caroline, Matt, Omar, Kristen, Muse's, Taryn, Ashley....and others...i had a blast with u all! and butt is sore now...ahhaha.
.....but i was kinda upset, i dont want to say mad or pissed, because im not one known to ever be mad at anybody! haha, but seriously, after skating, we were all going to go to chillies, and as caroline, matt, chessy, and i were going to chilles, apparently everybody else decided on applebees without calling us. Yes, we were all upset, not to speak for others, but still true. I dont understand why we werent called. Somehow the other 4 cars driving were notified and we werent. Did they have a grudge on me or the other 3? Why werent we called or notified? Did they not want us there? Im still confused. But just for the fact, I dont hold grudges, and therefore i love u all! I just feel kind hurt and feel that it was rude of nobody to call after skating. Well, now that i got that off my chest.... I LOVE U ALL STILL!!! <3

Well, Im feeling pretty yucky and sick...still crying (my eyes are soo dry!) ughhh. lol. so imma get in the shower, read some, and bed. haha. love u all!

With much love and laughter, Lauren

Start of my junior year!

So, its said that highschool is suppose to be some of the best years of your life. Junior year is suppose to be a fun year as well, but I still cant wait till senior year! Junior year is going to be tough though...

I mean, here we go:
First i went to Care and prevention of atheltic injuries w/ Miessau. this class will prob end up being a study hall for me, but hopefully an easy A.
Second i head to Devor for gifted pre calc. im not one for matt, and w/ a class full of sophomores, i guess i'll have to see how this class goes...
Third i literally have to run to band. lol. Im really glad to have Norona teaching this year. He seems to be a great aset and i appreciate what hes allowing me to accomplish w/ band and volleyball. I love u all in this class!!!
Fourth i have to run again, lol, to stufflet for ap american. Lauren, Julia, Abby, Niki are in this class!! whoa! if only i sat near them. But i have high hopes for this class
Fifth i have diogorgio for ap eng. OMG! im not one for reading, but accoring to my Fcat reading and writing and NRT im good at it. what a surprise, really. but i hope i can pull it together and be successfull in this one.
Lunch! I sit w/ Lauren, Kirsti, Talia, Zack, Nickie, Ariana, tiana! Great, but i only wish Booper, kristina, MATT, simon, omar, julia, jenn, abby and others were at this lunch as well. i miss u all during class and lunch!
Sixth i go to DOC for Psych! i think im going to love this class! Lauren and Niki are in here!!! and Doc seems amazing...awkwardly, i think he and i may think alike. lol. Very interestingly class though.
and finally, i head off for Physics. What may/will be one of the best classes this year. KRISTINA's in my class for once! Omar, Simon, Julia, Caroline!! OH MY! besties! woot! and Desanto seems great! no more clyde!!! :D

The only major issue im having currently with school is WHEN THE HELL DO I GO ON POTTIE BREAK!! no joke though, plus my locker is out yonder, nowhere near my classes! With 5 min. between classes, and having my classes so far apart, when will i ever find the time! seriousely, i have to have a bathroom stop, somewhere near 3rd and 4th period. Jeezz, i will have to work something out. haha


This past weekend my sis Becca and bro Nick left for college. I'm so happy that they're persuing their dreams. Becca is attending Stetson law school and nick is studying environmental engineering at UF. It's so hard living as a londely kid now, since their living away. I miss them sooo much they prob dont even know! It's weird thinking about how the 3 of us are soo alike yet different. We each strive for the same general goal, with different personalities, and try so hard to succeed. Im still very confused at what exactely i want to do pursue in life. It seems they knew what they wanted. I guesss i still have time to find myself in what i desire. Since they're gone though, i get to mo the grass and do dishes every night!! YEAH! LOL!

Hurricane tommorow, so no school..which i dont really like. it just takes away from thanksgiving. :/

Well, i guess that will be all for now, with much love and laughter, Lauren

how to start off such a blog? ...

Wow, i cant believe im actually starting a blog site now. Seems like I should have started one years ago. Thanks Booper, Lauren, Kristina, and Neil, you all influenced me. :D. But, honestly im really glad im starting this. I stink at writing, so dont expect much, but I liek the fact of writing about anything and everything on here. Most people that dont really know me, see me as the smile, all happy person all the time, which i am, but theres more than all happy and smiles. Those who are my close friends know that i think way too much about various things yet dont like to share what im really thinking. I thought writing in this blog would be easier, but its still hard to write whats really going on. I guess im a personal person, i dont like showing a different emotion other that happiness and smiles.Yet, im always nervous or worried. I never rarely cry in front of people or get mad. Thats all kept inside me ready to explode out of me at night when im deep in thought, or in other cases, now.

I choose my url "LivingLaughingLoveingLifeLauren" for one sole reason... I love living my life laughing as myself, Lauren. I love to laugh. Obviousely. haha. Maybe thats why im always happy on the outside, i find no reason to mope around when i have life full of adventures for me ahead. I cant say my smile is a curtain to the true me though. What I share and laugh about is what i love. What i keep inside of me is what seems "nonseclator". This is what im here for, maybe it'll be easier for me to let loose all thats inside of me.

Now the question: What's there to keep inside?
well...alot actually.

• Friends: There always there for me. You all have no idea what you mean to me. I love hanging out with you all, talking, movies, walks, swims, we have way too much fun. But then, i always see you all as the best friends to talk to. Kristina, you've been there for me since middle school. You dont realize this, but last summer, when i had my surgery, your the one that came to me to cheer me up, your the one that came over just to visit when i was sick as all hell. your the one that motivates me to do well in school. I look up to you, (even though im older, lol) We have soo many good times and more to come, I love u baby! (shes hates when i call her that, lol) hahahhaha...BOOPER and Lauren!!! I met u both this year, not thinking i would make any more friends in highschool honestly, seemed soo clicky in highschool. but u guys are the awesome. We have soo many fun times, Miya girls!! HAHA, and Booper, ur blog inspired me to do my own. Jeezzz, I have soo many great friends, that i could write out novels about them all. i love u all and u all know who u are.
• Family: You are my world. We are such a family. The love and support is the greatest thing i could ever ask for. But we have our misunderstandings. MAMA AND PAPA!!! haha, you both have soo much love and support, what more to say, alot actually, i just cant type it all. :p Becca and nick! you guys are my lovely siblings. We each are different yet soo simliar. we have our times of good and ugly, yet still happen to love. Your both leaving me this weekend for college, and i couldnt be happier and sader at the same time. I hate seeing u both go, yet im soo happy for you both are setting foot on a path of success. and Kasper of course, i love u boy! u listen to what i say w/o having to say anything back. ur a great listener. :D
• i could go on and on about all the stuff thats on my mind...
• School
• Stress
• Band
• Volleyball
• Guys...hehehe, cant really share this one on here, lol
• Life
• AP
• junior year
• Time
• driving
• College
• Issues
• Sunsets
• more...

School starts in 1 day!!! Im a big bad junior and excited yet nervous at the same time!!! There will be alot to think about then..lol. but i know it will be such a great year! :D

Well, I think i've blabbed on enough here about whats really on my mind right now. Its actually felt slightly good to get some things out, yet of course im still uptight, but that will hopefully lesson. Most of this probably didnt make too much sense, but it did to me so oh well. haha.

With Much Love and Laughter,

Lauren <3