the sun is setting...

As the sun sets, it seems i should be going on a run, as usual...opps. So, Neil advised me to write a new blog :) haha.

I must be honest, for as stressed out, with such mixed emotions that ive been having this past while...it seems this past week has been pretty chill. I mean, of course i still have school to freak out about, and grades (that need to fly up to my expectations) and other stuff ;) haha. but volleyball has come to a harsh ending... and band will be over shortly, so i have alot more time. and im liking it, i have more time to think and do homework and go workout. not to mention the weather is nice out lately, bit chilly though. lol. i guess i cant sleep naked anymore...lmao. unless someone wants to come over and keep me warm? hahah...okay, now im getting myself off subject. lol.

So, lately, i feel bad, ive been at band and vball so i havent spent much time at home with my parent ya know, so hopefully that will change soon...i have more time, therefore i can actually sit down and eat dinner with them. ...and then go hide in my room. lol. no but really, with Becca away for a long time, i miss her!! i know shes doing well though! and Nick's been gone for awhile now! miss u too bro! but i know they are where they want to be and are succeeding at what they dream of pursueing. I look up to them for that, and inspire to do the same, chase after my dreams and pursueing them. But right now, im confused about that...i dont know my dream. I dont know what i want to pursue. Of course im going to go to college, but i mean i dont know about majors, or careers. Seems like the pressure is on to decide, and decide wisely. SAT/ACT are coming up and important, considering i need to do well on them in order to make up for my GPA. But knowing my computer skills, im actually having trouble registering to take the tests. lol. i will figure it out. But, i guess i do know that whatever i do major/career/pursue will have nothing to do with mathamatics and computers/technology. hahhaha.

Volleyball has come to a bittersweet end. I love the sport, i love playing, im expremely happy/proud to say i came back and played/tried. I know i was "rusty" though. i didnt play for 12 months before tryouts, i should have guessed i would not have the same skill that i had my freshman year. but thats alright, i dont think i will be doing club volleybal. its a hard choice, stab in the heart really. I love playing, but i know it wont get me anywhere(college wise), therefore the money aspect would be a big burdon. I hope to go to some camps and play pick-up vball though in the mean time.

Wow, i just noticed, this is random, but then again, alot that i write is random...anyways..my hair got longer! lol. it used to be short. hhaa....cut it or grow it out longer?

Well, i best go finish math h.w to prepare myself for a quiz tommorow...

with much love and laughter, LB

I never thought.

I never thought i'd be in such situations now.

I never thought it'd be so hard.

I never thought I'd struggle so much physically and emotionally.

I never thought I'd pull myself down.

But then again,

I never thought I learn so much about myself through this process.

I guess thats what lifes all about, and honestly, as much as i hate it, i love it.

As much as i "never thought", i have always known myself to never give up. never stop trying. When i fail 100000 times, i know i tried. and the more i try the more i will succeed, Its not over. Its just the beginning, and im living it and loving it.

PS: i do realize that alot of what i post is thoughts that many probably dont understand. but honestly, thats alright, if u read this and dont understand, just know, its Lauren thinking again...lol

With much love and laughter, Lauren

stop and stare.

I can hardly believe myself, reflecting back to a year ago....it was my my sophomore year, i was in rehab from hell with pretty decent grades, no sports, or marching band. A year from then, now im a junior, playing vball and marching with well, grades that are not up to par. but besides the fact, this year seems soo packed! it seems like i have soo much to do, so much to handle, and no time whatsoever. But then again, im doing what i love, trying to succeed, struggleing not to fail. lol. but all in all, as much stress, frustration, and confusion im currently in, i can gladly say im loving life.

I went for a run today, while the sun was setting around the lake...and i must say, it was soo beautiful outside, i dont think my head has ever been any clearer. Nothing was around, no cars, no people, no animals, no thinking, nothing to stop me from running. The only thing on my mind was remembering Forest Gump, he just kept running. I dont think i have ever run so fast, honestly. I wasnt thinking about anything. It was great, not gonna lie. I stopped running at the lake and looked up into the sunset, ironically listening to "stop and stare", and wow, i know this prob sounds very dumb, but dang, it was a powerful feeling. Like, Idk, its hard to explain, like i guess it was a feeling of drive, like i know i overcome these obstacles that i have lately encountered...

I've had mixed emotions about various things lately, never had any of these issues before it seems. but i hope i get things figured out. trying to stay optimistic. anyways, i best get back to studying...ohh btw..

I must post this...just for memories. lol...friday night, turning left only lake mary blvd, i totally missed the median and instead of turning around it, i ran right over top of it! i was soo scared! i just jumped that deal, i didnt know anything else to do, cleared everything! lol, what a scary experience for a safe driver like myself ;). but i honestly am, just made a mistake, wont happen again.

well, with much love and laughter, Lauren

soo, idk what to do...

Heres the deal, maybe you all could leave some feedback...

Vball season is to the end, so thats over, club vball season is coming up real soon. The question is, do i want to play club this year in hopes of making varsity. but also, there are other factors involved, also being in the band, conflicts will arise next year if i play vball, but then again its my senior year. Also, the money part is a big burden for club. If i choose not to play club, my chances of making varsity will be slim, plus we still have band to keep in mind...and if i dont play club this year, i will have more time to go to the gym and reach some personal goals there, and have more time for school studies, which is desparately needed. I could also get this job i was looking at in the spring or play water polo (which may physically too hard). So thats the deal, i need to decide within a week or so...I have no idea what to do. this is soo hard. any advice? thanks

With much love and laughter, Lauren

Bandos ohh bandos!

Well, its Saturday afternoon, and i have to read Huck Finn by Monday. lol.

So, yesterday was the Football game against Brantley! we lost...badly. haha. but nontheless, the games and after the games are alwase fun. I just seemed to keep getting in trouble though yesterday. So, get this deal, i stash a shit load of food in my band bucket, im talking alotta food, not like others how had like a snack bar or something, i mean i had a chicken sandwhich, 3 bags of chips, 2 packs of crackers, and full gatorade, and goldfish. So long story short, before loading onto the bus, our buckets were checked, and well, there i am with a bucket full of food for like 3 people. lol. end of story, it all got dumped. thats bull shit. lol. of course i know wer "not suppose to have food" but screw that, i have alwase brought food with me and i throw my garbage out. to continue on my troublesome streak...during the game, i had my horn on its bell, when it was suppose to be on its side. So the horn stars decided to start yelling that my horn feel under the stands to scare me, while they hid my horn, so i took it literal, and started to walk down to retrieve what was to be left of my horn when they laughed and said they were just kidding. However, Norona heard through all the commotion that my horn had been dropped and called me down. so, there i go walking down to talk to norona, and i swear by it, that was the scariest face i had ever seen. Norona said, "What did u do!!!" i simply explained that it was a joke to teach me a lesson. A good one too, the rest of the night i held that baby horn. lol. nice on horns. ;) the show went alright, it needs alot of work though... so then, during 4th quarter i got caught chewing gum while playing. :( lol. i chew gum all the time though, during practice and games...opps! but dancing in the stands and blowing my ass off is alwase fun! hehe, and kicking with neil and the horns! imma get that kick higher, dont worry! lol. but that was that. After the game, i went out with Amber, Kirsti, and the boys! fun fun with u all! :) however, i got in more trouble when i walked in the house a bit on the late side... ;) ohh well!

Dang it, KC, Booper, and LB went to the game! and all the brantley kidies were there too! i wanted to sneak away from the band and go hang out with the girlies in the stands! love u girlies! :) the MIYAS! woot!

Today has gone surprisingly well though, except for the fact that i have a crap load of reading to do. My pop left me a noted on my desk last night stateing that he had paid my ring off and to remember our deal. the note read further, " You get the ring, and I shall never see a "C" on any report card ever." It hurt to read. Still hurts to hear reading it outloud. I know i should not get a "C", i never have, thats what makes my transcript look good now, no C's. But, i talked to him this morning, and well, it was nice. I am trying my hardest, however, i know i can alwase do better and try harder. He knows im working hard and trying, with also blancing vball and band out. Its hard. But, i guess the statement really made me think. Know im lost. All i know now is too just keeping trying.

My bro called this morning! Nickie! haha. I havent talked to him in awhile, so that was nice. He got another mohalk, making the Browns proud. lol. And he's been going to the vball games up at UF lately. nice. Seems like hes doing well, trying new things, Fencing, and is over all happy with his collge life now! yeah :)

Well, i must go study and get my head together and prepare for the tests this week! yikes! haha

With much love and laughter. Lauren

So, im sitting here typeing away, thinking way to much, of way to many things, not knowing what to think. so, right now, i have no idea where to start.

This year has been just a whirpool that keeps on spinning. When will it stop? when will things work out? why all the waiting?...



Homecoming was last night! I'm so glad Booper and Lauren went! Kristina, mission complete, we got them to go!! haha. and i think we all had a blast! thanks for coming over guys before! No details on the whole homecoming deal, lest just say great pics, great din, great friends, great after party, lovely ladies! woot! Honestly, this was the most fun ive had in along time.

And also, im really glad we talked guys. I love u miya chicas! what would i ever do w/o u all! i really try to listen to what u guys say, its just hard for me to believe it even though i know its right. Anyways, i dont really wanna post anything more on here about this...but i love u all! i'll be good... :)

But, im still perplexed on a certain situation, ive been reading. wait. i just said "ive been reading". i never read, most know that. lol. i try to read the novels, but it goes through my eyes and doesnt transfer to my brain. lol. but anyways, ive been reading a book booper gave me that is quite interesting and relatable. I struggle to beleive alot of what ive been reading though. I can come to the conclusion that i know might be true. I dont know what to think. Imma finish the book before saying more.

Yet again, a big part of this whirlpool im in, is grades. Grades, out there to make or break u. they are represented on your transcript. they will send u to college or send u home. give u a carrer, or a just a job. they are what should revolve around my highschool career. What more to say. and right now, there breaking me. ive never struggled so bad in all my classes. and damn its stressful, as many others know as well. We all have our expectations of ourselves and mine has not been met. I've always grown to learn, to never stop trying. "Everybody's human-everybody makes mistakes. If you laugh it off and keep going and try to give it your best the next time around, people respect that.”

with much continued love and laughter, Lauren