2008 comes to a closer...

well hello there! its been waayy to0 long since i blogged! i dont know where to start! ...

well, for starters, christmas was yesterday! i must say, it was a great day! my aunt and uncle came over and yesterday morning, my aunt, uncle, sis, and set out on a longgg bike ride! and man, 20 miles worked my bootie! thehe, and we stopped at the usual place on the trail and fed the horses! we came home and talked and joked and laughed...the normal Brown Family favorites. then we ate ALOT...and drank...coke and water. ;) and pretty much had a jolly good time together as one big happy Brown Family! :) we decided this year presents were not necesary to a great christmas..however we all seem to break that rule. lol. i got a new projection alarm clock! yeah! and undies and a purse! woot! not to mention my trip to London coming up and my class ring! :D

while on that subject.... i leave for London on Sunday! I'm soooo excited! Setting out across sea to an unknown area of the world is sooo thrilling. It's going to be freezingg!!! and dang, i am not prepared for that, my warm floridian bootie in london. lmao. It will be amazingly fun nontheless, with the Bandos i love! ...and hot british men! :)

I got my SAT scores back a few days ago...not pretty. i was pretty upset at those damn results. i really thought i did better. no need to shed tears though over that, i will def be retaking that soon.


i washed and waxed my car today! it was soooo dirty! lol... inside and out! (backseat) lmao, thats for u BOOPER! lol! love u!

Things have been going pretty well these past few weeks! Family came over, great holiday break, going to London, MY COMPUTER IS FIXED(still in the process of downloading stuff), everybody is in good health, kasper is doing well, i decided to play waterpolo coming up soon, that is however, if i get the courage to wear the one piece and if it actually fits me. lol. but...2 things are missing. these 2 things are ALWAYS...ALWAYS on my mind. grades and another unmentionable problem.

Grades. Grades. Grades. this, so far, has not been a good year with grades. I really need to step it up. i have the end of this semester to trug through, then a new semester to begin with good grades hopefully. Ya know, this just crossed my mind...i am such an optimistic person, i actually think I'm going to do better next semester. wow, hold on, (sry, i think im talking to myself haha) i just challenged myself to do better...interesting...New years resolution? hmm...and the other item on mind...this is a hard one to talk about...well here goes...

I want a guy. A guy that will make me laugh. We would laugh together. A guy that smiles. A guy that is honest, respectful, and truthful. A guy that shares his emotions with me and i share mine. A guy that calls me, just to talk. A guy that will ride bikes with me and stop to share a smoothie. A guy thats adventurous. A guy that loves me. A guy that cares. A guy that holds my hand. A guy that dances with me in the pouring rain (and of course kiss me in the pouring rain!) A guy that loves my family and friends for who they are and i will love his. A guy who loves me for who i am. A guy thats with me through good times and bad. A guy that will stand by my side. A guy that will just sit with me and watch movies till we fall asleep. A guy that is crazy yet romantic. A guy that will plan a picnic or maybe even surprise me. A guy that will call me his girl. A guy that will love me. and not just any guy. This guy is out there. somewhere. Maybe we have met, maybe we will meet tommorow, maybe in college. I dont know. But I'm here waiting for you. :)

that took so much out of me you have no idea. so im sitting here tearing up. and i ask myself why? honestly, i dont know how to answer that. shouldnt i be concentrating on other things such as grades and what not? ...*sigh*...


now that thats all out of me... 2008 is coming to an end, 2009 is a few days away! I will be celebrating the new year in london! at a party! woot! 2009..so much to look forward to! but i wont forget 2008! through good and bad times...lets try to remember some things...i finished up ACL rehab! lol. failed my AP World test, finished school off fairly well, many parties to never forget! Summer in mexico was amazing. absolutely an unforgettable trip. junior year begins! powderpuff game! football games! hip surgery! band! vball! dances! parties! bonfires! ohhh my! there is sooo much more that happened! :)

have you ever given up something that was important to you? I've been contimplating this idea for awhile and i dont know what to do. Volleyball. I've played for six years and 2 years of club and absolutely love the sport. however, my downfall with the ACL surgery put me at a bad setback. i did come back and play this year, but it was really rough, no lie. I know i was rough, and it was hard on me. I gave up playing club season this year and im not sure whether to give up playing. Next year is senior year, i'd hate to quit before i graduate and not play my senior year. but then again, i'd have to go to camps this upcoming summer and try to gain some more strenght to play in the fall. I dont know. It kills me to think that i would "just not tryout". I love the sport. I dont know what to do damnit. asdfhaskdjwoirjasdf

anyways, this was really long...sry. lol. leaving for london in 64 hours! see ya'll later!

with much love and laughter. LB

seriously. seriously.

Now, were in like what the 21st century i think? lol. and we are surrounded by all this damn technology that washes our minds away in ciberspace and by little damn wires conected and a messy piece of .... sry for the anger, bit as you can see, MY COMPUTER CRASHED. and i lost everything f-ing thing saved on it and im soooooooooooooo pissed right now. so, im useing this old computer that sux ass. no joke. I dont have itunes, and use youtube till i download crap. facebook and myspace dont work. omg. im going to cry. seriously. this sux ass. something or someone or this damn computer is about to get punched or slammed into the tile. holy crap. so pissed.

Why cant we all just live like the cavemen did way back then. Life would be so much easier. (damn it, i cant type crap on this keyboard) But really, think about it...no technology, no troubles, no shit to deal with...just yourself, and a cave. how lovely would that be. Lauren and a cave. maybe some berries too. :) and perhaps nobody around. just me and myself and the cave. ..yea okay now im going crazy..

But seriously. this is ridicilous.

on another note...

randomly, as i was walking to lunch and to my locker today, i was walking and pretty much just thinking, as always...about Boopers book "Dateable". and i had some interesting thoughts come to mind...being that right now im pretty confused, but besides that deal, the point is, i remember somthing in the book stating that you wont stay together in highschool so why bother dating or something on that note... and why i feel some of that is false, alot of it is true. then again, i look at it like, im in highschool, should i not just be focusing on academics? well, i should me focused on academics, but im not. my mind drifts away frequently. and when yea think about it, everyone dreams about finding that man in there life, a mystery thats taking way to long to solve. Or in a guys veiwpoint, i guess he waiting for that woman to come along. or i mean, if ya swing differently than those two options than so be it, as long as ones happy in life i dont care who you love. but as we were discussing in psych today, "would u take the love or the money" Love is life. Live life loving happily. cant beat it. money wont cut it. yeah, in the long run, money is america, cant prosper w/o it, but Love, thats something that facinates me. When will it happen? is he out there? does he know me? do i know him? when will we meet? is he wondering the same things i am?

Life is all a mystery. Waiting to be unsolved as life unvails itself till death and beyond. Wonders of my mind flow curiously through the day, longing for the day i solve pieces and bits of this gigantic mystery. And the mystery isnt just "love". well, okay, most of it is...but what about career wise. What will i do? where will i go to college? what will i do in life? what will i pursue? where will i go? all these questions race through my mind daily as well as many other questions. when? where? why? what? how?

Life is a mystery. and im still yet to unsolve it. Honestly, i cant wait.for the future. im very optimistic. and while i should be concentrating on the present times, i can admit im not that focused. maybe i should change that up a bit. but for now, im 17, a junior in highschool. i cant wait to unsolve this mystery.

and while most are reading this, if anyone actually made it this far, lol, sry it may not have made all that much sense. hehe ;)
with much love and laughter, LB

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?

...sitting on the dock, watching the sun set, thinking of way too many things on my mind, and pouring out tears. nothing could have been better honestly. So many things race through my mind, and i feel like i have no idea what to think. I guess these are those obstacles in life that i must tackle. as Henry Ford once said, "obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the good". hmmm...

Sitting there wondering and thinking all dazed and confused. Why does life have to be so confusing? I guess it doesnt, I just make it that way. haha.

This year has definetly been different. One of new experiances, good, bad, and some that i will hopefully learn from. But then again, the year is not over yet. Regrets?i have none. mistakes? many. fun times? too many to count.

And then my head starts to spin about everything that has been going on lately...and im so lost. first of all, the cell bill has not come....which is odd, maybe this is for the good, i have no idea. Grades, some have gone up, which is great, but 1 grade still lingers WAY below where it needs to be, i should work on that...and lastly...im really lost on this one. 1,2,3,4,5,6. haha, i love how only one person knows what im talking about ;). and i dont think i should really discuss this on here, seems i think about it all way toooo much anyways and i will prob just end up getting even more lost in my thoughts.

well, i had yet my 5th surgery on friday, a minor one, yet still included in the counting. lol. and im really curious to find out some results...i had what the doc thought was a piece of looses cartilage floating around in my hip after a fall, but turns out, after they took that piece out on friday, that the doc was unsure as to what it was. hmm...so it got sent off to the lab for testing...interesting. and right now, im sitting here in my undies. lmao. i cant figure out to wear pants comfortably without it hurting. lmao. ohhhh and i had the HOTTEST anethiaiologist. WHOA! hehehe...oh and talk about odd, i walk into the pre op room and this little asian nurse lady comes in and says, "alright, strip down and put this gown on. " WTF? lmao. they had me strip down in that freezing hospital. lmao. im sure that anethiaiologist got a view while i was in surgery... HAHAHHA..okay, i'll just stop there. lmao. what an experiance.

Powderpuff game was last Wednesday! and it was great! the girls and i made shirts, and they wre sooo preeetty! hehe, Kristina, Booper, Lauren, Kirsti, Tova, and Niki! and during the game, it was cold as asdf;oiasrjuosidfjsdf!!! haha, but we continued on playing...in disarray. haha. but nontheless, i had a tackle! aka i pulled a flag! hehe and got my name announced! WOOT! hehe. it was all fun though! i cant wait till senior year when we win! :)

well, im off to the movies with the chicas! :)

with much love and laughter, LB

Where do i stand?

So, today, in Doc's class, he got off topic yet again, rambling on about his stories and such which i find interesting. But then Doc began discussing IQ, which is what were studying. He was talking about how having an IQ doesnt neccesarily mean your smart, being gifted doesnt mean your smart. Surprisingly i began to listen, knowing that im not the smartest ever. But Doc continued on discussing how everyone has that somthing they're good at. Not everyone will become that docotr or that dentst or lawyer that some dream of. IQ is rather a test of knowlege of vocab and patterns and such...or something like that. haha. But then Doc asked us, "what do u feel you are good at?" and some said, "I'm good at athletics, I'm good at math" and i sat there thinking...well, i dont know what im good at, some stated how they felt while i sat quietly thinking. When will i find out? Doc also brought up some interesting points after someone stated, "but a high IQ, high SAT scores and GPA will get one into a college with a doctors career." and Doc, once again, told us more stories about how a girl he taught didnt have the best grades, but went on to attend a local college and soon became a spokeperson for the magic team, pursueing her dreams of public speaking and such..i personally find that interesting...and led me to continue thinking of myself and where i stand in life. What will i purue? What is that thing im good at? ...then reality hit me, my grades need to be better. no matter what i chose to do in life, it seems highschool grades will always reflect that. Now im sitting here, thinking, then not thinking, trying to clear my mind of different thoughts.

Where do i stand?

I dont know. honestly. I dont know what im doing. I feel so lost. I've never had this feeling. This year has been one of ups and downs and many low times. So many things race through my head as im lost within my own thoughts. Maybe i will learn from all this? maybe next year (SENIOR) will be better. but then again, "the time is now, let this be the time". but its not.

Digiorgio told me today, "I always see a smile on your face!" then she continued to ask me after class, "what do u want to pursue career wise" ...i stood there thinking, not sure what to say and finally, said. "well, maybe a lawyer or something in the field of criminal justice or criminology, its always interested me" and she said, "I would have never expected to hear that from someone thats always so happy." I almost bawled right then, but continued to compose myself as i always do with a smile. digiorgio said i needed to get a job that was happy, a happy job, something fun and energetic like me. and honestly, i like what she said, not to say criminology and law are dull or w/e, they're interesting, but who knows, somthings out there for me and i cant wait to see what the future holds.

and today i went back to the doc for results on my mri for my hip. and well, nothing too serious, but the doc's gonna make an incision and take out a piece of chipped cartilage thats floating around, and she said theres tissue damage but that'll be fine. yeah. so going back under the knife for a minor surgery. eh. w/e.

powderpuff game tommorow! our shirts look HOT! the game will prob be dumb though.. lol. but w/e, its all for the fun of it! haha.

welp, imma go finish stuff up, this was a really long blog..haha...

with love and laughter, LB

"We all need somebody to lean on"

This week has been one of ups and downs and all arounds. Where to start...so much to talk about...

School: well, friday i had an american test and i did pretty darn well on that thang. haha, and physics...thats a whole other story. lol. but, once again, grades need to go up, i actually feel like i was productive today, i did alot of english homword. yeah. lol.
Band: huummm...well, the last game is friday! its senior night! one more week till marching is over, im sure many people are breathing a sigh of relief. I've had this somthing on my mind, I've talked to a few people about it, but im still not sure...i have time to think, but im considering trying out for DM next year. Questions race through my mind however, will i be able to handle it? Will i be respected by not only peers but norona? Face my fears and go for it? Do i have what it takes? Some think im all jokes and laughs..be ready to be proved wrong. Im still contemplating the idea...i mean, that would mean giving up vball, which i may very well do anyways due to other reasonings...and while on this subject..should i play next year? or no? im leaning in both directions and dont know where to fall! I love the sport, but damn, the knee thing, and now the unknown screwed up hip, its all building up to..do i wanna continue this? I dont know honestly what i want to do right now, i have time.

so, for english i have to model this poem "I hear America Singing" so knowing myself, i think more than i should... "I feel America Thinking"
now, its subject to change, cause some things dont make sense, i know, i will fix it up, but for now, here goes...

I feel America thinking, the different thoughts that I feel,
Those of inquisitiveness, each one thinking hers as it should be overbearing and significant,
The child thinking hers as she learns right or wrong
The student thinking hers as she completes her homework, or takes a test,
The parent thinking what joy comes from her child, the father thinking about the future of his child,
The teacher thinking as she grades papers, the doctor thinking as she performs surgery,
The boyfriend’s thoughts, she will enjoy the evening, or the flowers or the kiss,
The thoughtful thinking of the sister, or the brother in college, or of the dog walking or eating,
Each thinking what happens today or tomorrow but not in the past,
The minds that wander to dreams- the real life that forms into envying fairytales, earning, happily,Thinking with positive minds their momentous influential thoughts.

With much Love and Laughter, LB

worried...

So, im pretty scared and worried right now...i have this fear right now...very weird. But honestly, i couldnt even sleep last night. not good. 2 main reasons why, plus a few minor situations. the 2 major situations: Showing my parents my disgraceful report card that ive been hiding...and the other reason is my messed up hip. 2 weeks ago i hit the floor for vball and it my hip sweeled and bruised and i didnt think much of it...but now i thought i had healed but i look at it and its bulging and like there is this piece floating around in my hip..and my mom saw it yesterday and freaked, and my dad was pissed that i hadnt said anything before. Its not that painful, i mean i cant like sleep on my side cause it hurts but its really not that bad, but it looks nasty in comparison to my other hip. damn, what to do, im soo scared, my parents want to take me to get xrays, but i dont want to. I mean, i do, so i can fix whatevers wrong with it, hopefully very minor, but then again, im scared. I dont want to go and get some news like i got for my knee. I bawled all night when i found out that i was going to have major knee reconstruction surgery and be in rehab for nearly a year and have to sit out of vball and marching for a year. it hurt emotionally and physically. I dont want to have to have anything like that again. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i guess i will just have to see what happens.

On another note, we had FBA yesterday. Lake Mary performed well, probably the best performance yet. But i guess it just wasnt good enough, we got an excellent. But we should be proud, i mean look at all the improvments that were made, a huge difference since county festival.

Well, i have a crap load of homework to do, and some thinking about what to do about my report card. :( and i need to bring my grades up.

With much love and Laughter, LB

the sun is setting...

As the sun sets, it seems i should be going on a run, as usual...opps. So, Neil advised me to write a new blog :) haha.

I must be honest, for as stressed out, with such mixed emotions that ive been having this past while...it seems this past week has been pretty chill. I mean, of course i still have school to freak out about, and grades (that need to fly up to my expectations) and other stuff ;) haha. but volleyball has come to a harsh ending... and band will be over shortly, so i have alot more time. and im liking it, i have more time to think and do homework and go workout. not to mention the weather is nice out lately, bit chilly though. lol. i guess i cant sleep naked anymore...lmao. unless someone wants to come over and keep me warm? hahah...okay, now im getting myself off subject. lol.

So, lately, i feel bad, ive been at band and vball so i havent spent much time at home with my parent ya know, so hopefully that will change soon...i have more time, therefore i can actually sit down and eat dinner with them. ...and then go hide in my room. lol. no but really, with Becca away for a long time, i miss her!! i know shes doing well though! and Nick's been gone for awhile now! miss u too bro! but i know they are where they want to be and are succeeding at what they dream of pursueing. I look up to them for that, and inspire to do the same, chase after my dreams and pursueing them. But right now, im confused about that...i dont know my dream. I dont know what i want to pursue. Of course im going to go to college, but i mean i dont know about majors, or careers. Seems like the pressure is on to decide, and decide wisely. SAT/ACT are coming up and important, considering i need to do well on them in order to make up for my GPA. But knowing my computer skills, im actually having trouble registering to take the tests. lol. i will figure it out. But, i guess i do know that whatever i do major/career/pursue will have nothing to do with mathamatics and computers/technology. hahhaha.

Volleyball has come to a bittersweet end. I love the sport, i love playing, im expremely happy/proud to say i came back and played/tried. I know i was "rusty" though. i didnt play for 12 months before tryouts, i should have guessed i would not have the same skill that i had my freshman year. but thats alright, i dont think i will be doing club volleybal. its a hard choice, stab in the heart really. I love playing, but i know it wont get me anywhere(college wise), therefore the money aspect would be a big burdon. I hope to go to some camps and play pick-up vball though in the mean time.

Wow, i just noticed, this is random, but then again, alot that i write is random...anyways..my hair got longer! lol. it used to be short. hhaa....cut it or grow it out longer?

Well, i best go finish math h.w to prepare myself for a quiz tommorow...

with much love and laughter, LB