Where do i stand?

So, today, in Doc's class, he got off topic yet again, rambling on about his stories and such which i find interesting. But then Doc began discussing IQ, which is what were studying. He was talking about how having an IQ doesnt neccesarily mean your smart, being gifted doesnt mean your smart. Surprisingly i began to listen, knowing that im not the smartest ever. But Doc continued on discussing how everyone has that somthing they're good at. Not everyone will become that docotr or that dentst or lawyer that some dream of. IQ is rather a test of knowlege of vocab and patterns and such...or something like that. haha. But then Doc asked us, "what do u feel you are good at?" and some said, "I'm good at athletics, I'm good at math" and i sat there thinking...well, i dont know what im good at, some stated how they felt while i sat quietly thinking. When will i find out? Doc also brought up some interesting points after someone stated, "but a high IQ, high SAT scores and GPA will get one into a college with a doctors career." and Doc, once again, told us more stories about how a girl he taught didnt have the best grades, but went on to attend a local college and soon became a spokeperson for the magic team, pursueing her dreams of public speaking and such..i personally find that interesting...and led me to continue thinking of myself and where i stand in life. What will i purue? What is that thing im good at? ...then reality hit me, my grades need to be better. no matter what i chose to do in life, it seems highschool grades will always reflect that. Now im sitting here, thinking, then not thinking, trying to clear my mind of different thoughts.

Where do i stand?

I dont know. honestly. I dont know what im doing. I feel so lost. I've never had this feeling. This year has been one of ups and downs and many low times. So many things race through my head as im lost within my own thoughts. Maybe i will learn from all this? maybe next year (SENIOR) will be better. but then again, "the time is now, let this be the time". but its not.

Digiorgio told me today, "I always see a smile on your face!" then she continued to ask me after class, "what do u want to pursue career wise" ...i stood there thinking, not sure what to say and finally, said. "well, maybe a lawyer or something in the field of criminal justice or criminology, its always interested me" and she said, "I would have never expected to hear that from someone thats always so happy." I almost bawled right then, but continued to compose myself as i always do with a smile. digiorgio said i needed to get a job that was happy, a happy job, something fun and energetic like me. and honestly, i like what she said, not to say criminology and law are dull or w/e, they're interesting, but who knows, somthings out there for me and i cant wait to see what the future holds.

and today i went back to the doc for results on my mri for my hip. and well, nothing too serious, but the doc's gonna make an incision and take out a piece of chipped cartilage thats floating around, and she said theres tissue damage but that'll be fine. yeah. so going back under the knife for a minor surgery. eh. w/e.

powderpuff game tommorow! our shirts look HOT! the game will prob be dumb though.. lol. but w/e, its all for the fun of it! haha.

welp, imma go finish stuff up, this was a really long blog..haha...

with love and laughter, LB